It's funny. It's entertaining. It's insightful. It's so very human and honest, and it inspires me to be a better writer. Well, I'm not a writer. I just like to share thoughts with the random internet folks; but she still inspires me, and recently this inspiration comes in the form of describing experience with depression. Robert Sapolsky of Stanford University also addresses it beautifully: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc.
Anyhow, just like any other experience or feeling or ailment, depression happens for each individual somewhere within a spectrum and with varying levels of severity, insight, capacity to cope, and (for that matter) willingness to just keep trying, to just keep looking for those momentary flickers of happiness that might eventually piece together to form a more complete whole, and to just keep passing go as best you can when everything--even the things from which you previously derived great enjoyment-- seems pressured, stagnant, flat, grey, numb, and stale. When you can't, despite your best efforts, looking in every corner, crevice, and shadow, find your real giddy anywhere. It's just gone-- GONE-- along with the fresh air in your lungs and the blood in your veins. All that's left coursing through you is sand and you think to yourself that it wouldn't be so bad if you just didn't wake up one day. Giddy is gone, and it seems like nobody gets it. People are uncomfortable with 2D you, and maybe rightfully so. You've shut down and most days you're just going through the motions, at best, and most people don't know what to do with that.
But, maybe my place here isn't to describe anymore at length what it feels like to be depressed. It's been done so so well already and I would only be continuing to give you my personal version of it. Maybe my place is to talk about how to slog through it. Well, how I have slogged through it, at least.
Maybe this is where that ever-so-popular-this-is-how-you-get-reposted-bullet-point blogging style comes in handy: 5 SURE FIRE WAYS TO FIX A HANG NAIL or THE 3 BIGGEST SOCIAL FAUX PAS YOU NEVER KNEW YOU COMMITTED or 97 REASONS YOU SHOULD do this that or the other....
Where do I begin, though? There are infinite coping tools to get through it that I have both professionally urged and personally utilized, but I will say this: it all starts and ends with Finding Nemo: "Just keep swimming." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmyUkm2qlhA
Or, as I like to say: Just keep passing go.
At any rate, here goes nothing.
Number One: Look at your interpersonal inventory
which reminds me of another great quote....
As I was saying, take inventory, and not just of the assholes. Take a close look to find the assholes, the energy suckers, the perpetual victims, the liars, the deceivers, the manipulators, the abusers, and the wet blankets, etc. It's not necessarily easy to do, but figuring out who's toxic and oppressive in your life and setting up the dynamic--and your boundaries!-- so that those people won't have an acute impact on your well being is immensely helpful. Keep in mind, it doesn't mean give all your friends and family the boot--maybe some, but not all. It might just mean redefining the dynamic, but I'm personally well aware that's easier said than done. I've had friendships go down in flames because I stopped feeding into bullshit and manipulation. I've also had friendships that just simply moved quietly to the periphery. Some of those dropped friendships were no doubt because my friend decided I wasn't good in their life, and that's ok too. I'd venture to say we've all burned a few bridges at some point by being some version of a flaming douchebag. The important thing is to try to figure out how to be a better friend and not set those fires anymore. Then again, sometimes it's not a matter of douchebaggery on either side. Sometimes a friendship is just not a good match.
Number Two: Get some exercise and make a conscious effort to eat better and do positive things.
In short, make the difficult decisions to do things that don't make your situation even worse. At the very least try to keep it neutral! I think a lot of people (myself definitely included) tend to go into self-destruct mode when something hits us sideways and knocks us into a deeper depression. We start seeking quick and easy emotional fixes. Cupcakes, french fries, booze, drugs, isolation, cutting, lethargy, etc. seem to be the duct tape, bubble gum, and safety pins of shoddy and unstable emotional handiwork. So, put the Cheesy Poofs down and go for a walk or learn to hula hoop or take up yoga or gardening or tree climbing or weight lifting. Just DO something that moves your body.
- Another thing to keep in mind, nutritionally: If you're eating crappy to celebrate when things are good AND you're eating crappy to self soothe when things are bad, how often are you really eating well, for sustainable emotional and physical wellness??
Number Three: Help someone else
Get out of your own head. Quit fixating and obsessing about your own situation. Smile at someone else. Open a door. Be nice. Maybe even get involved in some kind of volunteer activity. People won't always return the kindness, but who cares? Just like it's your choice to be kind, it's theirs to be grouchy (or worse). I'd rather choose to be kind because it makes me feel good, regardless of how it makes others feel. If it helps them have a better day too, that's just icing on some already damn good cake, and I'm a huge fan of icing.
Number Four: Practice gratitude and quit saying "can't" and "but"
Can't and but won't get you anywhere but stuck. They are the stickiest kind of sludge, and it's easy to get neck deep in it if you don't make a conscious effort to think in more empowering ways. There will always be limitations, a reason not to do something, or an excuse for yourself. If you want to move forward, you're going to have to cut that shit out. It's your choice: keep stuck in the muck of your limitations, or start taking genuine inventory of what your other options are. Another way to look at it is this: you can focus on the manure (it's just shit, right?), or you can focus on the garden it can grow. You might end up growing roses instead of petunias, or carrots instead of lettuce, but you're still growing things. Figure out what works for YOU.
Number Four: Forgive
Forgive yourself. Forgive others. That doesn't mean forget your mistakes, or hand your new wallet to the person who stole your other one last week. You still have to protect yourself by learning from mistakes (see #1) and keeping a positive inventory, but it doesn't do any good to let those mistakes or those hits hold you back.
Number Five: Journal
And here I'm not saying you need to write 8,000 pages of your deepest darkest. Maybe writing isn't your thing, but there are plenty of other ways:
- daily, weekly, monthly, or sporadic photos or magazine collages that represent your life
- sketches
- bullet lists of successes and challenges (and I've found successes and challenges to be inextricably related, by the way) and how you're going to address them differently
- accountability journal-- taking responsibility for your mistakes AND your strengths
- letter writing: whether or not you choose to mail the letters or notes, sometimes it helps to imagine yourself talking to someone in particular. I've also found this one helps tremendously when I'm grieving the loss of someone.
- voice recorder or video: maybe you're better at talking than I am
- any combination of these and more
Figure out what integrity means to you and practice it. Who do you lie to? Why do you lie? What kind of lying? What kind of deceit? Are you deceiving yourself? Honesty doesn't mean you have to tell everyone exactly what you think at all times-- tact and humility are practicable and important skills in themselves, so try not to be the asshole that mouths off and then justifies it under the guise of "just being honest." That's a load of bullshit. This honesty is about insight, courage, integrity, accountability, and humility. And, I also think it's important to remember that your particular truth may not be someone else's truth, and it nothing you do or say will necessarily change that. Perspective is a powerful moderator along those lines, so, again, let's not forget our humility.
Number Seven: Make your own list like this one
There are plenty more tips for slogging through and out of depression. Find your own ways to keep passing go.
