Bless their hearts, I hate it when people--even people I love DEARLY--tell me how great it is that I have all this free time on my hands right now to just take care of myself and relax before the baby comes. No. I know I sound like a totally ungrateful grumpy pants, and I am in fact trying to continue to make the most of my time, but I have to bite my tongue every time someone tells me something along those lines. I fucking HATE being unemployed and beyond broke and wondering how shit's going to get paid. In fact, the first bounced check just happened. Fucking great. Let's hope our sad little unemployment insurance system hurries up and gets that check in the mail. I've been investing in this system since I was barely 16, is it too much to ask for a few pennies now?!
First, and probably most importantly, I love even the notion of working. It makes me feel good to know that I'm earning a living and/or doing something meaningful in this world (even volunteering). I feel worthless without a job. Worthless is not relaxing. Vacation would be relaxing. Retirement with a nest egg would be relaxing. This is not vacation nor is it retirement. People feel good in those scenarios because they are earned breaks and because financial bases and stability are still covered. I'd venture a solid guess that if someone were to start their vacation or retirement only to find out they were actually laid off and/or their bank account was drained, that time off would take on a whole new vibe.
Second, I love my career. All jobs are going to stress us out at some point and we're going to want to take breaks, but in general, I have found myself in a much better mood upon GOING to work rather than staying home.
Third, I'm pretty low maintenance and I enjoy plenty of bargain and/or free thrills, but there's only so much one can do to "relax" without going completely stir crazy when one does not have a fucking dime to spend on pleasure or recreation (can't even buy a cup of coffee with a friend without feeling guilty) and one is trying not to burn up gasoline ('cause that shit is expensive!), not to mention the looming and incoming bills.
Fourth, "oh, well there you go! You get to take care of the house, and make good dinners...." Yes, the house is relatively more tidy, and I like that. I have also always liked to cook, but there's a reason I'm not a chef. I enjoy cooking as a hobby. For fun. Not for obligation, let alone one of my only real responsibilities or obligations.
And then there's the response after I had my one and only interview: "It went well? Oh good, you're sure to get it! Don't worry." Um, no. Thanks for the vote of confidence, but the job market blows and plenty of people interview well who have lots of experience and would likely be just as, if not more, perfectly suited for any job for which I also apply, so quit blowing smoke up my ass. I'm not going to celebrate a good interview. I'm going to celebrate when that interview actually leads, undoubtedly, to a secure and stable paycheck and benefits. What's wrong with just saying simply, "Sounds like it went well, so that's good. I hope you get it!" Then I can respond with an honest, "Thanks, me too!" instead of having to politely stifle a desire to choke the very well-intentioned person I love.
For so many reasons, I find myself entirely uncomfortable, angry, stressed, and depressed without a job. I wish people would quit telling me how great it should be just because they, themselves, want a break from the rushing highways of their own lives. Maybe next they can tell people who are in prison how happy they should be because they have so much time for reflection and working out since all their basic needs are covered. Ok, that's taking it a little far, I know, but still.... I'm surrounded by all the batches of proverbial lemonade I've made for the last month, I'm starting to run out of sugar, and people are still telling me to make lemonade.
I'm not disabled. I'm not a parent yet. I'm perfectly capable and motivated to work--paid or volunteer-- so there's no reason I should shift my priorities from that goal yet.
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