motherhood, 8ish weeks

Sleep is amazing, and elusive these days. That said, the last 2 nights you've had 4 hour chunks of sleep, which means I'VE had 4 hour chunks of sleep, which means all of us are crying a little less. Thank you, Critter. Lets make this a starting point with minimal backsliding, shall we?

And (another day later) you actually slept what could be considered AN ENTIRE NIGHT! Amazing how the spirits are lifted and how much better stress is managed when the body and brain have had an opportunity to reboot and decompress. Sunshine says you went to bed at 9 last night, and this morning you let me sleep until 5! Thank you, Critter. Let's hope we've really turned a corner here, unless you want me to lose all my hair and have a sleep-deprivation induced psychotic break before you're even 3 months old. The only challenging thing about last night and actually sleeping? I woke up with a soaked shirt. Your midnight snacks were spilling everywhere!

I wonder if having sworn off gluten has been the trick to your more peaceful nature. It wouldn't surprise me, but I will admit that while I'm eating more veggies again, I do miss that full, sedated feeling that shitty, gluten-packed food induces.  Sigh. Life is bigger than a pile of biscuits and gravy, right?

Also and by the way, in my sleep-deprived, anxious state of going back to work and having to leave you for the first time since you were born, I broke my foot. Yup. Damn I'm smooth (maybe you'll get the Beavis and Butthead reference later, assuming, you know, you're cultured and all). I ate it on your grandmother's front step, luckily AFTER I'd already set you down. So, now, almost 2 weeks later, I'm hobbling around, but grateful it doesn't seem like a bad enough break to need a doctor. We're guessing hairline fracture, but so far I'm too stubborn to see a doctor. Wah-wah.

Speaking of going back to work, I miss you. I'm lucky enough to love my job-- and I have a small soapbox, or perhaps a few pearls of experience-earned wisdom to share along those lines too-- but I still miss you. I drop you off with your daycare at "Grandma Linda's" house, and I trust you're in very good hands, especially considering that's who took care of your sister when she was a baby too; but I'll say it again. I MISS YOU. Not being home with the family, at least in the evenings is tough.

As I drive to work, I glance in the rear view and expect to see you there. Instead I see an empty car seat base. Then, driving home from work, there's an all together different kind of lonely feeling. I was already 6 months along with you when they hired me (and THANK GOODNESS they did!), so every night I drove home, you and I would have a little dance party along the way. You were most active at that point, so I can only imagine the slick moves you were throwing around in there. Rides home these days, I still have our little dance party with you in mind while you chill with your dad and sissy, and/or toot and coo and giggle peacefully in your sleep. At least, that's how I like to imagine it. According to your sweet father, things might go a little differently many evenings, but that's his story to tell.

And I'll end with that note, as you really are swaying peacefully in your swing and as I look forward to a fulfilling, good day at work and to a great weekend with you and the family. I love you, my little red Critter.